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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29346915">You Don't Know How Helplessly In Love I Am</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadIdeaMyDude/pseuds/BadIdeaMyDude'>BadIdeaMyDude</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, It might have Boyf Riends later on but i'm not sure, M/M, Mutual Pining, They are both oblivous, fluff later on, i dont know what else to tag</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:26:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,296</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29346915</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadIdeaMyDude/pseuds/BadIdeaMyDude</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rich is convinced that Jake hates him after the fire but Jake is not so sure he does.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jake Dillinger/Rich Goranski</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. He Probably Hates Me Now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So this is my first Fanfic on this so I apologize in advance.<br/>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Beep… Beep...</em>
</p><p>
  <em> What the fuck?</em>
</p><p>I flicker my eyes open to a bleak white room. The beeping of the ECG being the only noise heard. My whole body hurts. I look down, and realize I'm in a full body cast. <em>Crap. How did this even happen?</em> I try recalling the events of which led to this moment. The Halloween party. I remember The SQUIP getting on my last nerve and, me, chugging down a beer to shut it up. I just couldn't take a knock-off Lara Croft telling me I suck. I’m <em>never</em> playing Tomb Raider again, That's for sure. Then, I started asking people for Mountain Dew Red. A failed attempt. <em>What did I do next?</em> Oh yeah, I burnt a fucking house down to shut it up forever. (Which actually worked because if that Tic Tac bitch was still active it would've scolded me by now)</p><p>I’m guessing I passed out from smoke inhalation for the entirety of the night but how the fuck did I end up in a hospital room? I doubt anyone would bother saving a nerd with a lisp who took a weeaboo drug just to get noticed.</p><p>
  <em> Jake.</em>
</p><p>Shit. He must hate me. What do I expect? I burnt his house down and probably caused him some kind of injury. I would hate me too If I was in his situation. Hell, I already hate myself as is! <em>Wait. Is he…? No, he couldn't be. Right?</em> I can't even bring myself to <em>think</em> the word.</p><p>
  <em> Empty.</em>
</p><p>That’s the word to describe the room. I expected the room to have at least a TV or something dumb like that. The last time I was in a hospital room was when my mom passed away... I was too young to remember anyway. I look around the room for something to distract myself with. Then, I see another bed. It’s occupied by a pale boy with wavy brown hair.</p><p>“J-Jeremy?...”</p><p>He’s unconscious. Wait, why is Jeremy here? Did he get caught in the fire too? He doesn't seem to have any burn marks. What happened?</p><p>My trail of thought gets cut off by someone walking in. It's… That headphones kid. Of course he came to visit his boyfriend. He’s holding a ‘Get Well’ card and places it down on a side table next to his bed. He still doesn't seem to notice my existence, his eyes focused on Jeremy giving a soft smile. Even If I was wrong about the ‘Boyf Riends’ thing, Headphones <em>definitely</em> has a crush on Tall-ass. The sexual tension between him and Jeremy’s unconscious body is getting very uncomfortable.</p><p>“Hey Headphones, quit eye-fucking Jeremy for a sec.” I say, startling Headphones. I wince a bit at the sound of my lisp. Still not used to that.</p><p>He gives me an eye-roll. “I have a name you know. It’s Michael.”</p><p>“Kay, whatever you say <em>Michael</em>. Hey, uh, do you know what happened with your buddy Tall-ass over there? Was it because of the,” I pause a bit, not wanting to remember the horrid events of that night. “Fire?”</p><p>“No, It wasn't. Well after the fire, Jeremy found the box full of SQUIPs in your locker. And eventually squipped all the play’s cast members. They’re all fine though, I deactivated them.” Michael said. <em>Headphones has Mountain Dew Red? Shit, I could have avoided this mess If I would've asked him, not like he would've said yes.</em></p><p>“What about Jake? Is Jake okay?” I ask. <em>Please be okay Jake.</em></p><p>“Well, He broke both his legs. He’s in a wheelchair now. It’s only temporary though.” He says.</p><p>
  <em> Fuck fuck fuck fuck! He’s in a wheelchair?!</em>
</p><p>“Oh.” I say, avoiding eye contact and not giving any indication that I actually do care about him.</p><p>
  <em> Why do I even care about him anyways? Its not like i'm gay or anything. Well, I mean, guys are hot and sometimes I catch myself looking at Jake unconsciously but I’m still not gay… Right? Holy shit. I’m bi. And I have a huge crush on Jake Dillinger. Why did I have to have this realization now?! Stupid Tic Tac.</em>
</p><p>“Hello?” Michael says, interrupting my thoughts. “It’s not back is it? You kinda zoned out for a second,”</p><p>“Huh? Oh, sorry I was just thinking.” I reassure him.</p><p>“Okay, well I just came to drop off this card and check up on Jeremy. Bye!” Michael says while already heading for the door. I had way too many realizations for today. I’m tired. And just like that I fell asleep.</p>
<hr/><p>It's already been a few weeks since I woke up. I’m getting my body cast off soon, so at least something to look forward to. Since Jeremy woke up, more people started visiting. After I had that whole 'holy crap im bi' realization I started coming out to people, It's nice to be myself after that stupid Tic Tac started repressing my feelings. Brooke came with Chloe one time, Brooke probably forced Chloe to come since they’ve been trying to rekindle their friendship. Chloe apologized to Jeremy a while ago for sexually assaulting him. She said something about how she was drunk and didn't mean too but that still doesn't give her the right for Jeremy to forgive her right away. Jeremy said thanks for apologizing but still needs time to fully forgive her. Christine has been here almost everyday after school. I've gotten used to her company. It's actually really nice to have someone to keep me company while I'm stuck in a body cast.</p><p>The only person who hasn't visited is Jake. I don't blame him if he doesn't ever want to see me again and hates my guts even though I’m helplessly in love with him. Christine and Brooke say he just needs time but they're just trying to make me feel better. Brooke caught on to my (very obvious) crush on Jake. She says he likes me back and just either oblivious or avoiding it but number 1, If Jake <em>'like liked’</em> me he would've already at least tried to visit. Number 2, Jake is the most straightest person in the world. He sleeps with a new girl every week, the closest thing he’s gotten to a stable relationship is Chloe and even they’re on and off. He’d probably hate me if he knows I like him. And finally number 3, I burnt down his fucking house, even if he <em>did</em> like me he hates me now. There’s no way in hell Jake feels the same way. It’s better if I just admit it now.</p><p>I hear the door open. I expect it to be Christine or Michael but a brown haired boy in a wheelchair comes through.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>edit: hello im from the future- So i forgot to mention That I dont write out rich's lisp but he still has one</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Jake Dillinger Was Here</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So this chapter is basically a filler while im writing the rest of the hospital thing so yeah-</p>
<p>Its a little bit of a flashback on freshman year</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A month into Freshman year and it’s already crap. Nobody even knows I exist, not like I want them to anyways. It’s better if I just ignore everyone and then get out of this hell-hole. Everyday is the same; go to class, get picked on by some upperclassmen, sit alone at lunch (Totally don't stare at Jake Dillinger because he’s one of the hottest guys at school. Pffft I’m not gay!) Then go home.</p>
<p>I expected today to be like any other day, boring. I was sitting on a bench near the courtyard reading, when a girl with wavy brown hair, fairly tan skin, and multiple piercings comes up to me. <em> Calixta Morales </em> , A popular senior. <em> Shit, is she gonna beat me up or something? </em></p>
<p>“Hey, you’re a loser right?” Cali asks me, well it's more of a statement then a question.</p>
<p>“Uh-” I mutter out.</p>
<p>“I’ll take that as a yes. Have you heard of a SQUIP before?” She says.</p>
<p>“No-”</p>
<p>“It stands for Super Unit Intel Processor. It's from Japan. It helps you become cool and popular,” She pauses. “You do want to become cool and popular right? It might actually help you, we all see you drooling over that freshman Jake Dillin-something.”</p>
<p>“What? No I don’t-”</p>
<p>“Whatever, just shut up and listen!” I immediately and reluctantly shut up.</p>
<p>“You can buy it at Payless in the mall for $600, ask the sketchy guy in the back.”</p>
<p>“Why are you telling me this?...” I ask.</p>
<p>“My SQUIP told me to. it said it sees potential in you.” She says. <em> Potential?! I’m either somehow on acid or this is some kind of sick, twisted prank. </em></p>
<p>“I- uh, okay-” I stutter out. She seems like she’s going to leave. Finally.</p>
<p>“And one more thing,” She turns back to me. “Don't fucking tell anyone about it.”</p>
<p>And just like that she left. <em> What the hell do I do with that information?! Am I really gonna buy one? </em></p>
<p>The rest of the day I had that squid thing stuck in my head. Squid? No that doesn't sound right… whatever I’ll figure it out later. <em> “It helps you become cool and popular” “it helps you become cool and popular” </em> The words running through my head. What if this was some kind of scam? Or worse she’s lying and tricking me into buying some kind of drug? I clear my head. <em> I can look it up after school or whatever. </em></p>
<p>I continue with the rest of the day as normal. Once the bell rings I walk home at a faster pace than usual. I walk past my passed out dad and make my way to my laptop.</p>
<p>
  <b> <em>No Search Results Found</em> </b>
</p>
<p><em> What the hell? </em> I try again and get the same answer. I tried again and again but it's no use. There is <em> nothing </em> on the internet about SQUIP’s. How am I supposed to trust this stupid thing if it has no internet presence?</p>
<hr/>
<p>It’s now April. Half of the school year is almost over. After finding out about the SQUIP I wasn't that invested in the idea of ‘eating a random supercomputer from japan to make me cool’ so I just went on with my life as normal. Calixta pressed me about it two times- which is the most any senior has talked to me unless it was to pick on me- after our reaction and I always came up with the excuse of “I’m broke.” which is a lie because I have been saving up to live on my own to get away from my dad.</p>
<p>Schools almost over and-</p>
<p>I fall on my ass.</p>
<p>“Sorry!” A voice says, standing in front of me. The voice pulls out a hand “Here, I'll help you up.”</p>
<p>I reach out for their hand and while I pull myself up I can see the person who knocked me over. “Than- uh-” It’s Jake Dillinger. <em> Stop stuttering, say something dummy! </em> “I- Uh Thank you-”</p>
<p>“No prob.” I look down and realize I'm still holding onto his hand. <em> Shit- </em> I pull back my hand as fast as I can and mutter out “S-sorry,” I can feel my face heating up.</p>
<p>“It's okay,” He chuckles slightly. “Well, gotta go!” He runs back to his friend group consisting of a blonde girl- Which I believe her name is Brooke- and a brown haired girl. He puts his arm around the brunette and continues to walk. I’m guessing that's his girlfriend.</p>
<p>
  <em> Did that just happen?! Jake has never noticed me before and was probably unaware of my existence until now- I made a fucking fool of myself by still holding onto his hand! what was I thinking?!</em>
</p>
<p>I go home thinking that Jake Dillinger thinks i’m weird or probably a loser or a freak or-</p>
<p>I take a deep breath. <em> Hey at least I got noticed by Jake Dillinger! Just, not in the way I wanted- </em></p>
<p>I’d do anything to just be one of the popular kids. They always get off easy. They’ll never want to talk to nobody like me. Hey, if today is any indication maybe Jake might notice me again.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Jake did <em> not </em> notice me again.</p>
<p>He’s right to avoid me after that shitty interaction we had. It’s the last day of freshman year and everyone is signing each other’s yearbooks and making plans for summer and other shit. I stare at my empty yearbook and sigh. <em> Not even one signature. </em></p>
<p>“Hey, uh, you want me to sign your yearbook?”</p>
<p>I look up and see a brown haired boy with turquoise eyes. Jake Dillinger.</p>
<p>“Uh- Sure!”</p>
<p>I hand him my yearbook and see him writing.</p>
<p>“I never got your name from that time I bumped into you. Sorry for that anyways,” He says.</p>
<p>“Oh, sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Jake!” he pulls out his hand and I hesitantly shake it.</p>
<p>“Okay,” I pretend like I don't know who he is. “I’m-”</p>
<p>“Jake, Babe!” A voice calls out interrupting me.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” he says while handing me back my yearbook. He runs back to his girlfriend. <em> Chloe. </em></p>
<p>I look down at my yearbook and see what he said.</p>
<p>
  <em> ‘Jake Dillinger was here’ </em>
</p>
<p>I chuckle a bit. I close my yearbook and hear the final bell ring. A wave of cheers and whoops fill the crowded halls. I walk out of the school and get a breath of fresh air.</p>
<p>I walk home, go to my room and pull out a mason jar full of money. I pull out 600$ and go to the Payless shoe store.</p>
<p>
  <em> Fuck it. I just want to be noticed. </em>
</p>
<p>I go to the back of the store and ask for a SQUIP. The stock guy pulls out a shoebox and hands me a grey pill in a little baggy. “Take it with Mountain Dew.” I hand him the money and leave. I hear him say something about deactivating it with Mountain Dew Red but I'm already walking out. I go home and get a Mountain Dew from the fridge and go to my room.</p>
<p>“Here goes nothing”</p>
<p>I swallow the pill and chug the mountain dew. I feel nothing at first but after three minutes a wave of pain comes over me. I’m screaming on the ground and hear a voice say <b>Target required</b>.</p>
<p>I look up and see a figure of Lara Croft above me.</p>
<p>
  <b>Richard Goranski.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>I’m your Super Unit Intel Processor. Your SQUIP.</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Another chapter is coming soon owo</p>
<p>I was really close to quoting heathers at one point in the story</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Things Aren't Back to Normal But We Tried</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WE'RE BACK AT THE HOSPITAL SCENE</p>
<p>Oh my god I have been putting it off for a while but I think I found out a good way to go about it</p>
<p>(the way I wrote it kinda sounded like rich set the fire as a suicide attempt even though it was not intentional so beware)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Oh shit shit SHIT! </em>
</p>
<p>My eyes widen at the sight of Jake. I make eye contact with him and then look away. My eyes darting around the room nervously just for anything to look at other than Jake.</p>
<p>He rolls up to the side of my bed. Looking at his wheelchair keeps reminding me that <em> I’m </em> the one who started the fire. <em> I’m </em> the one who caused him to jump out the window from the second floor. <em> I’m </em> the one who caused him to break both his legs.</p>
<p>“Hey…” He says. All signs of his usual cheery tone are gone.</p>
<p>“H-hi…” My voice is shaky.</p>
<p>“So uh,” He stops to think. “How-how are you?” It’s weird how he tries to engage in conversation with me even though we haven't talked to each other in a month.</p>
<p>I open my mouth to speak but he adds more before I say anything.</p>
<p>“Shit, I’m sorry with that stupid question.” he fidgets with his hands a bit before continuing. “I just- I’m sorry I didn't come sooner” <em> Why is he the one saying sorry! I’m the one who fucking caused all this! </em></p>
<p>“I just needed time to myself, y’know? Like, after the fire everything was really crazy and I had a lot of questions.” Jake was not a person who was known for his words. He was more of an actions type of person. “And then during the play I got a squip and then it told me to ‘upgrade’? Or something like that and it just took control of me and it was horrible.”</p>
<p>“And then I heard you had one.” There’s no use for hiding it anymore, just tell him.</p>
<p>“Uh y-yeah. I had one…” He keeps looking at me like he’s waiting for me to explain. “I had it at the start of sophomore year. I got it because,” <em> Because I wanted to get close to you. Because I had a crush on you and still do. Because I wanted a chance with you. </em> “Because I wanted to get noticed and I thought the squip would help me with it.”</p>
<p>“You have a lisp.” He announces suddenly.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah… I’m s- I forgot I had it-” I bite tongue.</p>
<p>“Oh no! I didn't mean to- I like it, it's cute.” <em> Cute. </em> My face starts to heat up. “Uh- I mean- You know what I meant-” He says through flustered stutters.</p>
<p>There’s a silence in the room. Then Jake breaks it.</p>
<p>“Can I ask you something? Why did you set the fire? It's just-” He sighs “-I thought it was because you hated me or something. It’s okay if you don't want to.”</p>
<p>
  <em> That question. That's the question I dreaded. </em>
</p>
<p>“Oh yeah, that…” I think about what i’m going to say next. “It was because the s-squip was- uhm- saying these things to me and I hated it. S-so I just got tired of it and y-y-you k-know…” I choke on my words and I feel a tear drip down my cheek. I have never cried in front of anyone. Except my mom but I was young. honestly now, I don’t care if Jake is seeing me cry.</p>
<p>“A-and I know y-you didn't d-deserve it and I never should’ve done i-it. And I-I’m just s-so sorry…” I’m practically sobbing now. “Y-you shouldn't forgive m-me. I understand if y-you hate me n-now. And-” I get cut off.</p>
<p>“Hey, don't cry.” He says in a soft tone. “It’s okay, if I was in your situation I would probably do the same thing too. And I’m sorry for not coming sooner, I just needed time to forgive you…” </p>
<p>“Why are y-you saying sorry! I’m the o-one who burnt down y-your house!” <em> I hate how nice he is about this! </em></p>
<p>“Yeah, i’m s- I don’t really know how to talk like this.” He sighs. “Hey, when do you get out of your body cast?”</p>
<p>“Oh uh,” I stop crying for a second. “It actually comes off today.” I say through sniffles.</p>
<p>“We should watch some rom-coms and make fun of them soon.” He says and we both chuckle.</p>
<p>“Oh my god. wait shit, w-where do you live now?” I totally forgot that he’s homeless now. Shit.</p>
<p>“Oh, I have an apartment. My parents left me some money before they fled and I’m planning on getting a job after I get out of my leg casts. They’re coming off in a week anyway.” he explained.</p>
<p>“Oh, well you don’t have to invite me just because you feel b-bad.” I say. I’m still stammering and my cheeks are stained but at least i'm not sobbing.</p>
<p>“No, I want to! I miss your company.” He looks down and fidgets with his hands.</p>
<p>“Oh then sure!” I’m starting to feel a little bit better. Jake sees me smiling and smiles back. I missed happy Jake. I know things aren't going to go back to normal but it’s nice knowing i'm going to see him again,</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So this chapter is done, sorry if it was short-</p>
<p>I tried going about the confrontation as best as I can but hey I tried</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Body Cast No More</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was rushed so sorry if it was crappy. I kinda ran out of ideas since I have better plans for other chapters but heere have this for now</p><p>(im soRE)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As I see Jake leave the room while the door closes behind him, I see the same door fling open not even five seconds later. Two figures come towards me at a fast pace, practically scaring me half to death, in the form of Brooke and Christine. Christine jumps toward me while Brooke plops herself down on a chair.</p><p>“What the hELL!”</p><p>“Hi Rich!” Christine says excitedly. “Sorry for scaring you like that, It was Brooke's idea.”</p><p>“Was not! You said, and I quote, ‘We should totally scare Rich, It'll be great.’” Brooke interrupted.</p><p>They continued bickering over which one said it first. The two had become close friends after the play, Christine taught her all about her favorite plays and Brooke showed her all her favorite places to go to. (Pinkberry and some other treat shops.)</p><p>“How did you guys get here so quick?” I said cutting off their bickering which currently was about a whole other topic.</p><p>“Uhh-” Christine murmured. They kept looking at each other and back at me.</p><p>“Well… We actually got here before Jake-” Brooke said, breaking the silence.</p><p>“We were waiting until you were done talking.” The other girl added.</p><p>Now that I think about it I did here very quiet little giggles coming from outside the room.</p><p>“Wait, were you guys listening to us?!”</p><p>“Sorry.” Christine apologized. “We won't tell Jake that you like him though!” She added after. Christine then realized what she said and quickly covered her mouth while Brooke just stared at me with wide eyes.</p><p>“You told her!” I practically screamed at Brooke.</p><p>“Don't worry, Rich. She won't tell anyone!” Brooke tried to reassure while Christine did the ‘My lips are sealed’ motion.</p><p>“Fine. You're lucky that we're friends.” I said after.</p><p> Brooke fake gasped. “We’re friends?!” She said a bit sarcastically.</p><p>“Dude, both of you have been hanging out here almost every day for a couple weeks. I think its a legal requirement to call you guys my friends.”</p><p>“Well then,” Christine said, taking out something from her back. “Have this!” She pulls out her hand and shows me a little silicone bracelet with the bi flag on it.</p><p>“It’s so when you can get out of your cast today you could wear it and we just thought it was really cute too.” Brooke said standing up and going next Christine.</p><p>“Really? For me?” Both of them nodded. “Thanks so much, guys. I would grab it but I obviously can’t-” They place the bracelet next to a bunch of (almost wilted) flowers and ‘get well’ cards.</p><p>“Well we just came to drop this off before you get your body cast off.” Brooke says with a big smile on her face, Christine also has the same happy smile too. “Bye Rich!” They both said while heading out the door.</p><p>Hey, at least a couple more things to look forward to. My cast getting taken off, Getting to see Jake again and actually being able to get out of the hospital.</p>
<hr/><p>I got my cast off. It was weird being able to move my joints again after a month of literally being frozen in place. When I finally got it off I could see the burn marks that resided on my skin. Looking at them almost makes me want to puke. After the doctor talked to me for a bit I grabbed some of my things and left.</p><p>After taking three showers I got that weird smell off me and finally get time to relax. I get a text from Jake since we (kinda) started talking again.</p><p>
  <b>(6:37)</b>
</p><p><b>JakeyD:</b> <em>Hey dude did you finally get your cast off?</em></p><p><b>You:</b> <em> Yup that bitch is finally off </em></p><p><b>JakeyD:</b> <em> congrats bro! Hey wanna come over to my place today since it's off? </em></p><p><b>You:</b> <em> Sure, i'm comin over </em></p><p>I turn off my phone and get off from the place I flopped down on my bed. I look at myself in the mirror and stare at my burn marks. I hesantitly touch one of the mark’s on my arm. I decided to grab a dark green sweater and cover the marks. I don't even want to <em> look </em> at them. The sweater is even covering the little bi flag bracelets Christine and Brooke gave me. </p><p>
  <em> Crap, that reminds me Jake doesn't even know i'm bi. </em>
</p><p>I want to tell him since i'm embracing the whole ‘being yourself’ thing but I just have to wait for the right time.</p><p>I cut my train of thought and head for the door.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>I head for the address Jake sent me and find his apartment. I find the apartment and put my hand up to knock but stop it in mid air. <em> Does he really want me here? I should just leave- </em> But before I can start collecting myself and chicken out, Jake answers the door.</p><p>“Hey Rich!” He says.</p><p>“Hi Jake!” I go for a handshake but he opens his arm for a hug so we go through that weird move of switching between the two but ultimately end up on a hug. Or as much as a hug we can accomplish when he’s in a wheelchair. The hug was well, awkward but I quickly waved it off and look around his place.</p><p>It’s fairly small and barely furnished. I feel like an intruder in his house. Like I shouldn't be here. I’m the one who caused him to move into this place. But I try not to beat myself while I’m with Jake so I shake off the thought while I sit down on the couch.</p><p>“So, uh, whaddya wanna watch?” I break the weird silence between us.</p><p>“I was thinking of Air Bud?” He suggests.</p><p>“Sure dude.”</p><p>He flips through some channels and finds Air Bud.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>20 minutes later</b>
</p><p> </p><p>A little while later Jake has all his attention on the movie while I switch between looking at my fidgeting hands and him.</p><p>
  <em> I should just tell him I’m bi right? But what if it goes horribly wrong- He probably won't freak out, right? Screw it, Imma tell him. </em>
</p><p>“I’mbisexual”</p><p>Jake breaks his trance. “What?”</p><p>“I’m bisexual.” I say slower, while correctly pronouncing it. “I like both guys and girls.”</p><p>“Oh, cool dude.” He says so casually. “Thanks for telling me.” He gives me a bright smile and gets back to watching the movie.</p><p>
  <em> That went… Surprisingly well. I mean I knew I wasn't expecting a whole speech or anything but at least that went… well as good as it could be. </em>
</p><p>I give him a soft smile and go back to paying attention to the movie.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hope you enjoyed it!<br/>I appreciate <i>any<i> feedback!</i></i></p><p>edit: I did not expect this many hits and kudos from people other than my friend- Thank yall so much!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Kiss The Person On Your Right</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So the SQUIP squad has a sleepover and things happen (part 1 of 2) Jenna is an amazing meddling mess. Also if this has mistakes it was because I was sick and kinda out of it-</p><p>edit: I forgot to mention that Jake got his cast off because the pOwEr Of TimE SkIp</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey losers, my moms are gone for the weekend. I was thinking pop a couple bottles from the liquor cabinet and have a sleepover?” Michael asked when approaching us at the lunch table.</p><p>“Michael, we're not 12 year old girls. We have to call it ‘staying overnight<em> ’</em>, <em> not </em> a sleepover.” Jeremy asserted.</p><p>“Potato tomato.” Michael hissed.</p><p>“That’s… not how the saying goes-” Jake furrowed his brows in confusion.</p><p>“Whatever,” Michael brushed off the comment. “Do you guys wanna come over or not?” Michael was clearly frustrated over the overall lack of answers than retorts.</p><p>“I’m down.” I said. “A sleepover- I mean <em> staying overnight </em> would be cool.” I added emphasis on ‘staying overnight, making it obvious that I was mocking Jeremy. Jeremy, in return, stuck his tongue out at me like an annoyed little kid.</p><p>“Sounds dope.” Jake added quickly after me.</p><p>“What about the rest of you?” Michael probed, gesturing to the vague presence of the rest of the group.</p><p>In which, he received a couple ‘Sure’s and nods from the remaining of our friends.</p><p>“Cool, cool. So come Saturday afternoon-ish? Bring clothes and snacks and whatever else.” </p><p>A little while later the bell rings and we all scatter to our classes, going our separate ways. Just three more classes to go. I have 6th period with Jenna, 7th with Jake, and 8th with Chloe and Michael and then it's officially the weekend.</p><hr/><p>I woke up saturday with a headache for whatever reason and I had that weird ass dream (I saw a spider dog hybrid, strangest shit ever). This afternoon i’m hanging out with our friends. Is it weird to be looking forward to it? Whatever. I pack clothes and other stuff for tonight and get ready. <em>11:27</em> <em>Dang It, I'm going to be late</em>. I put on a tank top and while I’m walking towards my door I stop by my mirror. <em>Oh right. My scars.</em> Before I would almost get a stomach ache seeing them but now, after a while, I’ve grown comfortable in my own skin. I think I'm ready to finally stop hiding them.</p><p>I grab my go bag and head for the door but as I leave for the door I hear a voice.</p><p>“Where do you think you’re going.” It’s John, My dad.</p><p>“When have you cared where I'm going, John?” I test him. He is never like this, why does he care now?</p><p>“Since you almost melted your fucking face off.” Why is he bringing that up? He didn't even visit me in the hospital.</p><p>“I’m just going to my friend’s house. Cool your shit.”</p><p>“What friend?”</p><p>“Uh.” He’s gonna have a whole fucking lecture if I say Michael since I’ve never mentioned him. “J-jake’s house. Chill out.”</p><p>He says nothing. Just watches me. There’s this stressed undertone between us. He’s just waiting for me to say something but I say nothing, not wanting to have a full conversation. I just scoff under my breath and leave.</p><hr/><p>When I arrived at Michael’s I was barricaded with a flood of Hi’s and Sup dude’s. Everyone was either sitting down on the floor or on the couch. I placed myself down on the floor next to Jake (At a respectable bro distance™) and try to interject myself in the ongoing conversation.</p><p> “And then he said…” Jeremy added to whatever the hell he was talking about. I stop paying attention and notice Michael. He’s staring at Jeremy while he’s saying his nonsense. Staring at him with a big dopey grin. It doesn't even look like he’s even paying attention to the words Jeremy is spewing. If I know anything, it’s that, that boy is pining. Pining hard. I see him get out of his trance and get up from his spot.</p><p>“I’m going to the kitchen real quick.” He says, I get up too and follow him.</p><p>I look if anyone’s within earshot so I can start talking.</p><p>“So,” I lean over the counter for effect. “What’s going on with you and Heere?” I have a big grin on my face while I wait for a response.</p><p>“Speak for yourself,” He quickly replies. I stand straight up and furrow my brows.</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“Oh please, you don't think I see the way you act around Jake?” I step back a bit in shock. I can feel my face turn red.</p><p>“You shut your mouth,” I whisper to him aggressively. I sigh and give in. “He doesn't know, okay? Just be quiet or I will personally write and deliver Jeremy a 3,000 word handwritten note about some things that include you.”</p><p>“I won’t tell if you don’t.” He raises his hands in the ‘I surrender’ position.</p><p>“Thanks.” I sigh out and return to our friends as nonchalantly as possible.</p><p>When I got there I saw Chloe switch from her seat on the couch to my old spot. She’s pretty close to Jake and Jake seems pretty uncomfortable.</p><p>“Uh-” I mutter out.</p><p>“What?” She looks up at me with an annoyed look.</p><p>“Nothing.” I sit someplace else, there goes that. (Brooke scooted over so there’s another spot next to Jake, I think she thinks she’s my wingman because she shot me a wink) I did <em> not </em> want to fight an annoyed Chloe.</p><p>A while goes by and I’ve been eyeing Chloe, watching her snuggle up to Jake, giggling at whatever dumb thing he says. She even threw in a couple “Jakey”s for good measure. Jake doesn't seem to be enjoying it but he’s just letting her throw herself at him. Probably a good idea since she’ll flip out if he tries to reject her.</p><p> A couple drinks later, Michael shouts. “Truth or Dare!”</p><p>“I don't think that's a good-”</p><p>“Who’s going first?” Michael cuts off Jeremy’s nervous advice and gestures to the group.</p><p>“I’ll go!” Christine Raises her hand.</p><p>“Okay then truth or dare?” Michael asks her.</p><p>“Hmmm, dare!”</p><p>“Eat a spoonful ketchup.” Michael dared.</p><p>“Okay.” She gets up and grabs a spoon and a bottle of ketchup. We watch her fill the spoon and swallow it. She gives a quick disgusted face and returns.</p><p>“Well that's done. Jenna! Truth or Dare?” She faces towards Jenna and awaits a response.</p><p>“Truth.”</p><p>“If you were to give a complement to anyone in the room, what would it be?”</p><p>“I would say Jeremy has nice eyes.” Jenna looks at Jeremy.</p><p>“W-what. Why me-” Jeremy stammers.</p><p>“Because.” she shrugs.</p><p>“So, Jeremy. Truth or dare?” Jenna has a smirk on her face. She’s definitely up to something.</p><p>“Truth, I guess?” Jeremy doesn't seem so sure in his decision but goes along with it.</p><p>“Who do you like?” <em> Of course </em> someone had to ask that question. It’s basically a law to ask someone who’s their crush in Truth or Dare. Jeremy seems very flustered. Who could it be? He and Christine went out but they decided they were better as friends. Then who is it?</p><p>“It’s mhim…” He mumbles something indescribable.</p><p>“Who?” Jenna asks.</p><p>“It’s M-michael....” He’s as red as a tomato and has now retreated to the inside of his cardigan. Michael is just staring at him in shock the same shade of red Jeremy is. Michael scoots closer to Jeremy intertwines their fingers together. “I-I like you t-too.” He whispers to Jeremy. Jermey stops hiding in his blue cardigan and gives Michael a big hug.</p><p>“I knew it!” Brooke squeaked.</p><p>“Get a room you two!” Chloe shouts cupping her hands near her mouth.</p><p>“Don’t ruin the moment.” Michael hisses. Michael and Jeremy break contact but still continue to quietly hold hands.</p><p>“Okay so it seems those two are distracted with each other I’ll just ask the next person.” Jenna declared. “So Jake, Truth or Dare?”</p><p>“Uh, Dare.”</p><p>“I dare you to kiss the person on your right.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ITS FINALLY DONE<br/>Kudos and comments are appreciated &lt;3<br/>Next chapter might come tomorrow!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. I Wish It Was You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>PART TWO OF THE SLEEP OVER WHOOOO This is in Jake(y D)'s POV and stuff happens (Sorry if its short)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I dare you to kiss the person on your right.” Jenna was looking directly at me with the same smirk she had when she dared Jeremy.</p><p>I turn to my right and see Chloe. “<em> Chloe? </em>”</p><p>“Oh wait shit I forgot that your right Isn’t mine-” Jenna muttered while covering her mouth. <em> Wait, her right is… Rich? Why did she want me to kiss Rich? </em> My face slightly heats up.</p><p>Chloe turns to me. “C’mon Jakey. A dare is a dare.” I turn towards her, lean in and give her a peck on the lips. I did <em> not </em> want that to last any longer. When I sit myself back into place everyone is silent. Chloe seems annoyed. And Rich. Rich has this look on his face. A hurt look? No that can't be-</p><p>“I-I need to go to the b-bathroom-” Rich abruptly got up and headed for the bathroom door. </p><p>“Well I guess truth or dare is done.” Jenna addressed. </p><p>Mostly everyone got up and scattered around the room. I was hanging around the corner when Chloe approached me.</p><p>“Jakey,” She grabbed the collar of my shirt. “How ‘bout you and me get out of here? For old times sake.”</p><p>“Chloe,” I backed up letting her hands release the death grip on my shirt. “You’re clearly drunk off your ass.”</p><p>“So what?”</p><p>“I don't like this game we’re playing,” I point between me and her. “The on and off thing. It isn’t good for both of us.”</p><p>“I-”</p><p>“I get it...” Chloe has an apologetic look on her face. Chloe? Sorry? I guess there’s a first time for everything.</p><p>“I shouldn't have forced you into another hook up-”</p><p>“Uh-” I don’t know what to say. I’ve never seen this side of her before. “Thanks.”</p><p>“No problem.” She leaves and joins another crowd.</p><p> </p><p>Rich returns from the bathroom and merges into a group with Michael and Jeremy. Why did Rich leave so suddenly after Truth or Dare? Is he mad at me or something? He rarely ever gets mad at me. He’s always been there for me. When my parents fled, he was there. When the first time me and Chloe broke up, he was there. He’s been there for <em> everything </em>. He’s amazing and really nice and-</p><p>Holy crap. I like Rich. How the fuck did I not realize this sooner?!</p><p>I sit down on a couch trying to process my realization, when Rich comes to sit down next to me.</p><p>“So,” He’s looking down at the drink in his hand. “You and Chloe again, huh.”</p><p>He thinks I still like Chloe?! I should clear it up that I am <em> not </em> into her. </p><p>But in the spur of the moment I say something completely dumb instead.</p><p>“I wish it was you.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I wish I kissed you. Not Chloe.” I finally make eye contact with him. His eyes are wide and his face is a deep shade of red.</p><p>“You-you’re j-joking…” He manages to stutter out.</p><p>“I’m not.” I shake my head. “Can I kiss you?” </p><p>“Y-yes”</p><p>I place my hand on his cheek and lean down to close the gap between us. Our mouths are  moving in sync. After a while we pull apart with our foreheads pressed together. We're both smiling uncontrollably and giggling a bit. Rich leans his head on my shoulder and intertwines our fingers together.</p><p>“You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting that to happen.” Rich whispers in a soft tone.</p><p>“I think I wanted to do that longer than I realized.” It feels like this weight is finally lifted off my shoulders.</p><p>There’s a nice silence between us. A peaceful silence. </p><p>But then I decide to break it.</p><p>“So does this mean you’re my boyfriend?”</p><p>“Of course it does dumbass.” Rich chuckles and gives me a kiss on the cheek.</p><p>“WHOOO!!”</p><p>We both stand straight up and realize there’s our group of friends watching us with smirks and smiles plastered on their faces.</p><p>“I called it!” Jenna shouts.</p><p>Me and Rich turn to each other and laugh, while our hands are still holding each other.</p><p>Brooke runs up to us and gives us a big hug. And it’s not long enough before all the rest of our friends join in.</p><p>“I can't breathe” Rich gasps.</p><p>“Shut up and let us group hug.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Last chapter is coming soon<br/>Kudos and comments are appreciated &lt;3<br/>(I tried not to rush the richjake process but I couldnt take anymore of the pining so I just let them be happy)<br/>consent is sexy, kids</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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